Let me see, what characteristics/behaviors have lead me to judge others as unattractive. Well... first and foremost: clothing. I have seen men who have stains on their shirts, dirt on their pants, and unkempt hair, who have not just worked in their back yard. If you can't take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of me when I need it? Second, they have to be smart. If I cannot hold a conversation with them, on MANY levels (because I love to learn and talk about everything... and everything is not an understatement either), you're out. I need to be intellectually stimulated. Third, I need to laugh. I love to laugh. I have made myself laugh so hard that I cry; and that was over a thought I didn't speak out loud. Basically, I need someone who is the male version of me minus the emotional and nervous breakdowns. Oh wait... I have one! *phew*
And yes. I was just reading Duck's attraction filter theory to my boyfriend, and I realized that we have gone through all four of Duck's filters, which is probably why we have lasted for so long. I can't remember if I have ever eliminated someone by using a sociological or pre-interaction cue only to reconsider them based on interaction and cognitive cure. For me, I use the filter backward; I need to know that we have similar interest and engaging conversation before putting in time and effort into a relationship.
I can relate very much to this post Miss B! I find myself evaluating the same things you have, specially at this point in my life. I am almost twenty-three and when I start dating someone or want to date someone I pick up on things like clothing, common sense (because let's get real, apparently now a days, more people suffer from lack of common sense) and making me laugh or being able to make someone else laugh. These things are important to me and in order to be compatible with another person, they need to be important to them. I was at a bar the other day for trivia night and a guy approached me, he was just dressed in a casual t-shirt and jeans, but the way he carried himself was a big turn off. I could tell right away he was nervous, he wasn't confident in himself and that came off as really unattractive. It made me feel like I was making him uncomfortable so the conversation was awkward and almost forced. I eliminated this guy after a few minutes in my mind and the vibe I thought I was sending he clearly wasn't picking up on because he asked me for my phone number. These theories and filters we use to make decisions for ourselves but I also think it's important to keep an eye out for the cues the other person is emitting.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I hope you and the boyfriend had a good weekend :)